If you just buy one Total War: Warhammer 3 Thrones Of Decay lord, make it Malakai Makaisson
What the Dawi can do for you
Well, this was unexpected. Malakai Makaisson is the single best campaign experience I’ve had since strategy game Total War: Warhammer 3 launched, and might just be up there with some of the best in the series’ history. That’s over ninety lords he’s given both barrels to getting here and, honestly, I wasn't sure Creative Assembly still had it in them. Not the talent, mind, just the passion. And nothing says passion like the amber mohawk of a furious dwarf quivering in the wake of a shakily-built zeppelin's explosive payload. Warhammer!
He arrives, via murder blimp, alongside a meaty dwarf rework that makes grudges more rewarding and relevant, with an Immortal Empires campaign that itself represents a hearty halfling stew of all the best things about the games. Tailored storytelling and sandbox freedom! High adventure and Pythonesque goofiness! And most of all, power fantasy and tense survival. With a starting position just shy of the chaos wastes, surrounded by norscans, rats, and daemons, Malakai’s back is firmly against the wall. But, oh wait, the wall is made out of shotguns.
That last bit is key. Like Mr. Burns’ diseases, Warhammer is all about scores of characters, each of which would be the brickiest of shithouses in any other setting, keeping each other in check. I reckon the trick with ‘if everyone is overpowered, no-one is’ design is giving individual factions enough personality and verve to make their own brand of brokenness still feel rewarding, but still keeping the challenge there. No easy feat! But it’s this well-tuned balanced imbalance that makes Malakai’s campaign so special.
Malakai starts with Gotrek and Felix (broken) in his army, and immediately has access to his summonable airship that can bomb entire armies to dirt and drippings (broken). A few dozen turns in, and he’s able to field an army of disgustingly buffed slayer units for basically no money (broken), with so much replenishment you’ll never have to worry about it again (broken). I made plans to do other stuff with my evenings. I made promises! (broken) This stupid dwarf is just too much fun.
But! His tricky start position means he’s immediately surrounded by people who’d like nothing more than to use his mohawk for a merkin. It’s all well and good having a powerful army, but that army can only be in one place at a time. My first twenty turns or so were a survival campaign where I struggled to keep even my single starting province in one piece. Eventually, and with much gnashing of beard, it is possible to carve yourself out some breathing room, and this is where the Malakai-specific ‘adventures’ tab comes into play.
Playing dwarfs is usually a stolid, gradual affair. Slow growth and a slow starting economy mean playing tall before eventually expanding. But Malakai’s airship makes him a pseudo-horde faction, giving him the mobility other dwarfs lack. His adventures, inspired by the Gotrek and Felix novels, have you traveling far and wide, testing out heavily discounted artillery pieces and other such shenanigans. Unique events with multiple choices! Artillery upgrades that often add extra functionality rather than just buffs! Evolving storylines that culminate in unique quest battles! It’s exactly what I want from the game: lots of lovely lore with contextual activities I can engage in, and a bunch of freeform choose-your-own chaos for when I can’t be bothered to read and just want to make anything I click on immediately combust.
This isn’t to say Thrones Of Decay’s other campaigns aren’t worth playing though, but that’s beyond the scope of this piece. What’s also a bit beyond the scope of this piece, but I’m going to jam in anyway, is a bit of complaining about the Nurgle plague rework. The system itself is great, no problems there. But I absolutely cannot keep silent about the following art crime. Below is the old UI (left), and the new UI (right).
I’m not talking about the big picture of Ku’gath, although that is rad. But, if you look at the left side of the left image, you’ll see dozens of unique, incredibly good icons, one for each symptom. I would buy a t-shirt with any of these on. I would get one of them tattooed, although you’ll have to guess which.
They are closer to the classic Blanche and Miller Warhammer spirit than anything else in the game, which is to say they look like something you might see stuck on a toilet wall in a venue so sticky you are forced to pogo or become one with the building. Unfortunately they've now been relegated to being picked at random once you create your plague, and given a tiny slot. I don't like it! There's loads of lovely detail that's now being missed, and I'd love to see them given pride of place again. At the very least, make them available to modders to make banners out of. Cheers. Great DLC btw, really liked it. ‘Specially the dwarf.
Also, I think they made Ku’gath’s boobs smaller. Gamers, rise up!